This has been my life. From everyone in my life. They love my shine at the beginning. People gravitate to me. Men & women. I am unassuming but attractive, smart, lively and a lot funnier in person. Men try to get my attention without ever actually having the courage to talk to me or get to know me, I’m supposed to go on looks, the way they go on looks. And once a few men show interest, they all start to. Even the ones with GFs or wed, just to compete in the man game…
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I see women start do what I do to get the attention of men, but miss the fact I’m not trying to get their attention at all and I want to tell them what men just want is to conquer & to somehow feel stronger & bc they don’t care about me or anyone at all, they don’t care about knowing me or me knowing them. They don’t care about consent or what I want. Some of the most beautiful women are 4B now. But it’s still hard to get solidarity with other women who still want to be ‘picked’…
I have been lonely most of my life because of the envy of women & men and both enjoying my being taken down in perverse and sadistic ways. I’ve done nothing to them. I’ve been too kind too often in the past. I don’t bother now. I am so used to being a star then a pariah because of envy and patriarchal bullshit that it’s just my life in this world…
That video really made me feel seen about something we can’t even talk about bc we are shamed for even thinking others would be envious of us, as if that’s not a thing. As if it’s our vanity, or as if we should be grateful, or disbelieve us when we say it’s a problem. The way it gets turned against us still. Every workplace #metoo but an all woman one I harassed, slandered, touched, threatened. In community & family too. I related to all this video…except I almost never get the compliments.
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