I am a Gen X man. And I want to tell you how I realised and learned to identify the “survival laugh.”

First, I noticed it in a social setting. I saw a woman laugh at a dangerously unpredictable man, not from joy, but to disarm him. Then I slowly recognised it everywhere: the forced chuckle in a professional meeting, the charming smile in media. This was never joy. This was a survival tactic. She doesn’t enjoy herself. She is deflecting a blow. She is surviving.

So I started asking myself in all sorts of different situations “Would I be laughing right now?”. The answer was almost always no. I can’t help but wonder how other men don’t see it? But the answer is simple: patriarchy.

I do see genuine, unforced laughter or enjoyment as well. But when I see it, I see it more often than not in queer communities, where we all can feel free from those heteronormative pressures. That contrast makes the truth of the “survival laugh” all the more heartbreaking. To everyone who has had to laugh to stay safe, all I can say: I see you, and I’m sorry.

#randomthoughts #society #patriarchy #safeplace #queer #misogyny #survival