@alice

I did like the quizzes from OKCupid. I didn't find many dates from that platforms, but the ones I did find were all very interesting.

@alice
2. prompt questions to jog the writing imagination

3. “send a message/like right now or never have another chance” — no I want to bookmark people to return to later with time to think

@alice I’m not dating, but if there were a Fedi dating site…

@alice An algorithm tuned to make the people leave the platform because they found a match and no longer need it.

(not using dating apps myself but this is the thing that irks me about the hearsay)

@alice Saw this post this morning when I woke up, boosted it, and have been thinking about it ever since.

I've not met anyone through a dating site, so I can't say what would or wouldn't work or have a reasonable comparison, even if I could.

Since I tend to overshare, I'm big on putting myself out there and letting the other party decide if they want to pursue anything. I do think that hobby and activity matching would be important, since that's the bulk of our lives, but like, I don't have to have the *same* hobbies as the other person, just...the same flavor.

I hate that appearance is so important for me, but it is, and I don't want to be the asshole turning someone down after "finally" getting to see a picture of them.

I like the ideas of setting the goals up front - looking for friends? Casual sex? Polyamorous? Monogamous? And I would prefer those restrictions to be held to - don't hook me up with someone that matches every single one of my hobbies but wants a casual relationship if I'm looking for a serious one. That sort of thing.

I'm not officially on the market right now, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit to being interested in dipping my toe in the dating pool again.

@alice I've never used a dating app, I have met internet people IRL and dated them pre-smartphone, I wouldn't use a fedi dating app AS a dating app, I *would* use a fedi dating app as a "Finding out that some of the cool people in my phone could be met and havebeerwith'd along the route of this road trip" app

I want this, fedi, the way we show off our doodles and make each other laugh or play with words or whatever, with an optional Extra Layer On Top, a sort of Physicality Hat. If I liked someone's vibe I could hit a button that'd send them a key to some extra information about me (encryption details to be figured out by encryption people) like where I am, what I look like, what my schedule's like, whether I'm open to dating or just to meeting up for IRL bants or whatever, and nobody gets any notification about anything until both folk involved had hit that "Show this person another layer of me" button, and the intent of pressing the button could remain flirtily ambiguous given that this could also be used between dads borrowing jigsaws and pinball people who want to see each others' barns full of shite

This would mostly be useful for two people doing the upward head tilt with flirtily cocked eyebrow of "oh hey there" followed by the chuckling shrug of "Well I'm still glad I looked" as you find out that you're a thousand miles apart. And then you have the Friendship That Began With Mild Romantic Interest And Is Now Comfortably Platonic, which is a very nice friendship to have!

(I say again I have never used a dating app)

@alice Make it Fedi-Meeting-New-People, just dating is too narrow and that being the only focus probably leads to a great deal of creepy behaviour and dark patterns on the existing platforms.

@alice
I'm limitated to 500 chars. I build a short preview with my points. :)

The pages only illustrate. The site is complete without function.

https://lsha.b33zle.de/sngl/

@alice

A design that encourages, if not requires, a discussion-first photos-later interaction.

Basically the opposite of all of the most recent / modern dating platforms.

I'm *not* suggesting that looks aren't relevant and photos shouldn't be encouraged - but they should not be the focus.

@alice just make it like OK Cupid back in about 2015. Right before it was bought by match.

@alice
3. tracking, invisible trackers unless you can detect them through your browser extensions or a network sniffer

Good question. Dating sites suck. If we were trying to plug one into Fedi I'd try a different way. Something that isn't a directory of single people, isn't a meat market or a meet market, but attaches naturally to the already-existing network. Just offering to try and pair people already here together.

Star with new User-profile checkboxes for:

I may be up for:

• Group-Meetups

• Meeting for fun with: {Guys/Girls}

• Dating: {Guys/Girls/including-trans}

• Within {X} Miles

• I am a {Guy/Girl/None/Trans}

• Living near: {location}

A handful of locations may be selected, people do move around, but not too many. Can't select everywhere.

Then the servers, if and only if you are already mutuals, AND you have the profile filled in, then when a like/reply/boost-request message is sent to a server your server attaches a 'Do We Match?' request with your profile options in it.

We don't even tell the liker the answer to that, just append a note about it in the interaction notification to the Original Poster.

EG: "alice liked your post. [AND they might be up for meeting for fun non-dates with people like you. Maybe DM them?]"

So the pair were interacting anyway, have a topic on which to begin a more intimate conversation, and mutual knowledge that they may want the same thing.

The intention here is there is no 'search for matches', procedure. No swiping. No extra scrolling.

I'm not trying to put people together who don't know each other, just match up those who already know each other but didn't know they might be up for a dinner date or to watch a football match or whatever.

We're only sending 'do I match you?' requests along with messages already passing between mutuals, and thus hopefully avoiding creating directories of single hot girls in your area for scammers to peruse.

And if you don't want any of all that you don't fill in the profile fields and then and no server evens sends you a match request.

Course, all this first requires sane private e2e encrypted DMs and presumably special moderation tools.

@alice

@alice Lemmy know if we are actually start building some open source software out of this. I have Claude Max and am allowed to use it for open source to burn the rest of my weekly limit.
I'm a professional developer, check my GitHub profile in bio.

@alice honestly I enjoyed Hinge when it was new on the market, the concept of having text prompts or photo prompts did give you at least *something* to start a conversation instead of just photos like on Tinder.

Also the wealth of info you could put in to filter potential partners like "(do not) want kids" is extremely useful so that the "big life goals" between you are aligned

@alice Want to also mention the old Okcupid questionnaire style matching, but it needs very strict limits on both changing your own answers and the ability to see what questions you match etc. I remember that it seemed very easy to "fit" your profile to someone. If your goal is to actually find a long term partner that's dumb of course, but for less honest uses there was a lot of potential for abuse that would need to be addressed.