"The truth in most heterosexual marriages is that he is never going to change. Men are taught not to view women as people, to prioritize their desires above others’ basic needs, and to never sacrifice for women. This is why they make the same arguments and excuses, and why the behaviors of sexist men are all so similar."
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Discussion
"If your husband relaxes while you work, systematically ignores your needs, demeans your body, emotionally abuses you, mistreats your children, or engages in other acts of abuse and unkindness, rest assured that he has swallowed patriarchal indoctrination whole. He will not change until he wants to—and as long as he is able to keep reaping the benefits of patriarchy, he won’t want to change."
"At some point, you loved your husband. Maybe you still do. The broken dreams of a patriarchal marriage can be pure agony. Thinking back on what you dreamed of—perhaps what you once though you actually had—and comparing it to what you have today can be devastating. It’s especially hard when you know that your husband has deliberately chosen this shit, and that you both could have had so much more and so much better if only he were less of an asshole."
"One thing that may help you navigate your grief, as well as any backlash that comes from your husband, is to treat patriarchy like a disease. Your husband has been so indoctrinated to patriarchal beliefs that he cannot think for himself. That’s why he, and every other sexist man, continues to use the exact same talking points."
"Patriarchy has destroyed whoever he could have been, whoever he would have been, in a better society. That person is gone. Your husband has chosen to give into sexist bullshit. And empathy won’t change that; because men wedded to sexist thinking don’t care about women or their needs, and do not change unless and until they face serious consequences."